Social Skills

There were two interesting ideas in the Friday newspaper. Columnist Yair Lapid righfully said we (Israelis) are much better in making others listen to our ideas than listening to others. Columnist Dana Spector said if we don't learn from our mistakes the first time, we should at least realize there is a pattern when the same situation happens again, and use the opportunity for soul searching on why we act the way we do.

How is this related to me?
Recurring pattern 1: too much information

I suppose I'm not a great listener myself, but with a twist. Instead of being judgmental and pushing my own agenda, I am first to admit that different things are not necessarily good or bad, they are simply different, but I feel an urge to offer advice or help. It's hard for me to get the idea of people telling me their problems or difficulties just to vent and get my empathy, I always jump in with some [uncalled for] advice. Even with the best of my intentions, people are not interested to hear my advice.

Recurring pattern 2: barriers

I know I am also distant, don't open up easily to new people in my life, unless I trust they will stay and our relationship will become meaningful with time. But how can it become more meaningful if I can't overcome my barriers and give them a chance?

To put it succinctly, I am simply unable of saying the right thing at the right time. I wonder when did I lose my social skills or is this a sign of aging? Do I need professional help?

I Am My Own Best Doctor

Turns out I was right when I asked my GP for the blood tests mentioned in a previous post. Some test results were way outside the norm, so I made an appointment to hear my GP's opinion on changing a drug dosage to address the problem.

He is usually overbooked and spends less than 10 minutes per patient, but had enough time (out of my 10 alloted minutes) to discuss the rightfulness of the doctors' strike and show me his wife's payslip (she is also a doctor) to prove his point (As an aside, last time he ran for city council). My lab test results were less important, how I feel was completely unimportant, his only advice being to keep a stricter diet. I asked for a second opinion (luckily I have a doctor friend) and got completely different advice. Then I set my own dosage and started to feel better within a week.

Coming to think of it, in more than 10 years I am this GP's patient, he examined me maybe a handful of times, out of which twice he took my blood pressure (always perfect BTW) to comply with a health fund regulation. He either looks at papers I bring or at the monitor. He is very helpful with paperwork, though, unless it costs the fund an extra buck.

'Perfect Balcony' Project

The house of my childhood had a fairly large garden, dominated by a majestic nut tree and populated by lots of flowers, peaches, gooseberries, grapes, strawberries, table with benches, resting chairs, cats, dog and occasional chicken.

I never had a balcony before, so planning our perfect balcony was one of my challenges after moving into the new apartment 2 years ago. My wishlist inventory included an Armenian coffee table (lower that eyebrow, I'll explain) with 2 wooden resting chairs complete with footstools and matching cushions, a small herb 'garden', a griller, a climber, a mini-citrus and wind chimes. I started with much enthusiasm, decided to report successful completion in a blogpost, and even took pictures along the way.

A colleague of mine and proud owner of an ample collection of Armenian ceramics, introduced me to this world. You'd think Armenian ceramics are to be found in Armenia. Wrong. Turns out there are none there (I can attest the weirdness), and the best place to buy them is ... Jerusalem. If you still don't believe me, just google it up! The few rival Armenian ceramic artist families in Jerusalem claim their pieces are hand made, while the others' are mass produced. I just trusted my colleague's judgement and went to visit Arman Darian's shop on 12 Shlomtzion Hamalka st., Jerusalem. The shop was crammed with lots of pieces, one more beautiful than the other. I couldn't decide which way to look, it felt like being in Hansel and Gretel of Armenian ceramics.

There was progress and there was regression. The herb garden was nice, then some herbs died. The wooden resting chairs and matching cushions are in place, but without footstools. The Armenian table by Arman featuring the seven biblical kinds [of crops in the land of Israel] was beautiful, then the varnish popped and 2 tiles cracked. The griller is there and works well and much. Never got to the climber, mini-citrus and wind chimes, but have a small olive tree in a pot.

After more than a year later, I realized I won't achieve perfection (how stupid of me to even assume I would), as the balcony project is more an ongoing process than a task with a distinct endpoint. Today it's time to decorate the balcony with flags for Independence Day. Happy birthday, Israel!

Market Dilemmas

For months we are complaining about the rising vegetable and fruit prices in the supermarket. Unfortunately, there is no market in Holon, the closest being the Carmel in Tel Aviv. As a new emigrant, this long and crowded noisy-smelly strip of oriental mess appealed to me, but I haven't been there for many, many years.

A friend who buys there often and knows the worthy stands, offered me a guided shopping tour. Armed with a short shopping list and 2 empty bags for the catch, I met him there early in the morning, to avoid the Friday crowds.

(1) Turns out that early was not early enough to find a parking spot along the sidewalk, but too early for fresh merchandise, that just started to be unpacked.

(2) The prices are better than the supermarket, but the difference is 'eaten up' by the parking fee, especially if the quantities you buy are for less than a regiment of hungry soldiers.

(3) On one hand the place is an anti-hygienic forest of tin huts, on the other hand the mess of underwear, carrots, baked goods, fish and beads living in charming proximity makes is authentic. Your shopping experience depends on they way you decide to perceive it.

(4) You can shop efficiently, visiting your regular stands owned by the merchants you befriended during the years, or wander aimlessly and experience sights, sounds, smells and tastes. Or combine the two. Whatever you chose to do, my friendly advice is stop checking the prices of items you bought, for sure the nectarines are being sold for 2 shekkels less per kilo 3 stands away. Well, actually the ones you bought seem slightly larger now...

And my bonus for today's market visit was watching the surprise flyover rehearsal for Independence Day.

Last Night - The Movie

Friday night Dan invited friends over and told us in advance we are personae non grata in our own house. So I picked up the phone and invited friends for a night out. I thought about dinner and a movie. I never considered going to the cinema as spending quality time with someone, watching a movie is basically an individual experience, even though physically you are not alone (hence the dinner). Being a very busy woman (=she doesn't work), our friend S just told me what she doesn't want (restaurant), so I ended up picking the place, suggesting 3 movies and ultimately ordering the tickets. The name of the movie (Last Night) made the ordering process kind of comic, as the name kept appearing on the web form and confusing me - what do you mean last night? I want tickets for tonight.

To combine the no-restaurant request with a movie, it was finally decided to go to a VIP movie. This means the price (aka a small fortune) includes unlimited refreshments and drinks for 30-40 minutes, a huge screen and only a few rows of chairs, super-comfy armchairs with electrically adjustable backs and legrests, lots of place for your stuff, and even blankets.

The movie itself was aesthetically pleasing, but that's about the only positive thing I can say about it. In my view, a non-comedy should have a message to convey, something new to teach you about life, or yourself, provide food for thought. Yet, the only thought I had after watching this movie was 'boring'. I learned nothing about infidelity - definition, regrets and impact on relationships are not only individual to a person or couple, but also a matter of geography (I bet the French perceive it differently), so basically no rules apply.

Is it necessary to make a full length movie to tell me that?

Chametz of the Soul

Sometimes in a shop or restaurant, the salesman/waiter addresses Israeli clients (me included) as 'chevreh' (pals, comrades, mates, buddies, amigos). My sons detest my reaction to this. They claim I'm not cool, unfriendly and I should just let go. The poor guy is just trying to be friendly. Sorry for my old fashionness, but the person is supposed to serve, not befriend me. I just want a normal service provider-customer relationship.

This goes on on a national level as well. In the last few days, there is an annoying commercial on the radio about Elijah (the one we open the door for on Passover eve) waiting for the children at Mini Israel, together with Moses, Pharaoh and all the other 'chevreh'. Respect!

Another pet peeve of mine is also related to the media. From time to time they cover criminal activities, crime is sensation, and sensation apparently sells. But the way they do it, the local Mafia families are presented as celebrities. We know their names, when they go to jail, when they are set free or arrested and interrogated by the police. Every such mention in the media makes them even more popular and fearsome in the underworld. Please, save us the details. We have the right to know, not the obligation.

Just some Passover soul cleaning.

Falling Apart

We switched to daylight saving time, but my body is still lagging behind. For a few weeks now I feel in a rut and have this heavy, yet-another-workday feeling in the morning. My greatest wish was having breakfast with a human being before leaving for work, instead of just rushing out the door into the eternal traffic jams. Unfortunately I am the last one to leave the house in the morning, except for Venus the cat, who apart from being cute but not human, doesn't feel like socializing in the morning.

Then, out of the blue, I chipped a tooth and was on painkillers until my dentist could see me. She explained that the 'crater' is so deep that the nerves were almost uncovered (hence the painkillers). I can either have a root canal treatment and crown (or cap), or and extraction and implant. I chose the first option and asked her why this happened. "Fatigue of material", came the laconic answer. With everything feeling difficult and slow, I decided it's time for hypothyroidism blood tests.

For years, we are having a widowed relative and his family for the Seder (Passover ceremony and dinner, usually celebrated in large family gatherings). I always felt this is something I have to do, so they are not on their own for the holiday. Onto this steady platform, I used to invite more friends and relatives, so they are not on their own either. This year, the widow's daughter and my son cannot leave their base and he decided there is no point in celebrating without them. They are not coming. My other son threatening to celebrate with friends, I'm certainly not going to bother for just the two of us. Turns out without these relatives, the usual holiday celebration is falling apart. I realized THEY did us a favor all these years and not the other way around. Leaving my Polishness behind, I had my cousin invite us for the meal. They were invited themselves, but didn't want us to be on our own (sounds familiar, doesn't it?).

Time for some spring buzz taking over the falling-apart days.